13/9/20 Assignment 1, Submission 1 - A Letter to Professor Blackstone

Dear Prof Blackstone


Subject: A Self-Introduction by Angelo


My name is Angelo and I am from your effective communication class. I hope that through this letter, you will be able to understand me better as a student. 

Graduating from Temasek Polytechnic in May 2018, I currently hold a diploma in Green Building and Sustainability. I believe that I started developing my interest in engineering rather late, only gaining respect for it after serving in a civil engineering squadron during my national service with the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF). Being tasked with the day to day maintenance of key installations such as runway lighting systems and buildings, I was able to see first-hand, how engineering plays a key role in even the most minute of tasks. This piqued my interest and eventually convinced me to apply for a course in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering offered by the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT).

My main strength in communication comes in the form of public speaking. I am not one to shy away from sharing my thoughts and knowledge on any prevailing topic of discussion. This is evident when I was given the chance to present during my polytechnic years. I never hesitated when fielding questions from my lecturers upon being asked about my projects. I believe that having self-confidence when speaking in public helps prevent a speaker from feeling flustered.

In terms of weaknesses, I am not afraid to admit that I have a tendency to beat around the bush. I often feel the need to be diplomatic when expressing my opinions. This leads to me sharing unnecessary information, causing conversations to drag on longer than they have to be. This attribute is also reflected in my writing, seen from my excessive use of commas and lengthy sentences.

With my passion for learning languages always lingering in the background of my pursuits, I have two goals for this module. I would like to learn how to write in a clearer and more concise manner as that would help in getting my points across better. I would also like to hone and sharpen my public speaking skills. Being in an engineering course, I see this module as one of the last opportunities I have to do so before joining the workforce. As quoted by Sir Winston Churchill, “To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often,” implying that there is always room for improvement.

What sets me apart from others is the way I carry myself and the way I speak. I was privileged enough to have had the opportunity of learning the English language through nine years of tuition classes with the British Council. The way I carry myself and the way I speak has been influenced by that experience. I can come across to some classmates as a confident individual, and to others, as an anglophilic egomaniac. The latter is not the case, I speak English in the way that I do simply because I am of the belief that it is the way it is meant to be spoken in. I hope that this clears things up.

That being said, I look forward to improving my writing through your effective communication classes!


Yours sincerely

Angelo Chan

Revised as of 17/09/2020 2325 Hrs.

Read: Jin Yong's, Carely's, Sharmila's

Comments

  1. Dear Angelo,

    Thanks for this intro letter. In it you explain the various elements of the assignment with clarity, concrete detail and good style. I enjoy learning about your background, in particular, how your NS job has impacted your decision to join SIT. I also appreciate learning about your British Council experience. Clearly you have a lot to offer our class in terms of your knowledge of English.

    There are a few minor language issues we can address in this essay:

    1. punctuation/sentence structure
    - My main strength in communication comes in the form of public speaking, I am ... > (comma splice)
    - What sets me apart from others, is ... > (unnecessary comma)
    - This leads to me sharing unnecessary information which causes conversations to drag on longer than they have to be. > (necessary comma missing)
    - often.”, implying
    - The latter is not the case, I speak English in the way that I do simply because I am of the belief that it is the way it is meant to be spoken in, hopefully, this clears things up. > (comma splices)

    2. word use
    - On the contrary, I am not afraid > (wrong word/phrase)

    3. dangling modifier
    - Being in an engineering course, this is one of the last opportunities I may have to do so before joining the workforce. > (Who is in the course, "this" or "I"? Look at the word order in the sentence.)

    I look forward to learning more about you this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good morning Prof Blackstone

    Thank you for your feedback.

    1- In my attempts to reduce comma usage, I have made the mistake of dropping necessary commas. That being said, regrettably, I am still making my usual mistakes of comma splices, I hope that through a concerted effort, said comma splices will slowly fade away.

    "Often," - I see my mistake unfortunately...

    2 - I am not sure how I would change it if I am being honest, I will check with you regarding this tomorrow during class!

    3 - Using a lot of -ing's to start sentences, I must have let it slip through the cracks. This is still not a good excuse for for someone like me, I can only say that I will try my best not to allow said mistake from happening again.

    Thank you so much for your feedback, Prof Blackstone, it really helps me in improving my English.

    Your sincerely
    Angelo

    ReplyDelete
  3. The content is fulfilled, the organisation is there and as what Prof said, the language use can be improved in the grammar areas, word use and sentence structure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good evening Carely,
      Thank you for your comments. Will definitely be making the necessary changes!

      Cheers,
      Angelo

      Delete
  4. Hi Angelo, great content in your essay, just some unnecessary commas used in some parts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good evening Bernice, thank you for the kind words, I will be removing the commas shortly.

      Best Regards,
      Angelo

      Delete

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